Profile Monday: Evelyn's Gothic Dating Adventures

Greetings, my darling demons and angels! It's your favorite Phantom Queen, Evelyn Duskfall, here to regale you with tales from the dark and often comical abyss that is my dating life. As the fierce leader of Transcendant, one might assume that my romantic escapades are the stuff of gothic fairy tales—all brooding poets, moonlit rendezvous, and passionate encounters in crumbling castles. Alas, reality is far more absurd... and occasionally tragic.

You see, finding a soulmate who appreciates both the aristocratic and rebellious sides of my persona has proven to be a Sisyphean task. It seems the goth dating pool is filled with caricatures rather than characters, each more ridiculous than the last. One would think that in a subculture that prides itself on individuality and self-expression, I'd have a better chance of finding someone who understands the complexities of my being. But no, I've been cursed with a parade of wannabes, try-hards, and walking clichés.

Allow me to share some of the most memorable (and cringe-worthy) encounters from my journey through the macabre minefield of romance.

😢 The Melancholic Minstrel

Once upon a dreary night, I made the mistake of agreeing to a date with a self-proclaimed "poet of darkness." His idea of courtship? Dragging me to a dimly lit café and subjecting me (and everyone else in the establishment) to a dramatic reading of his angst-ridden verses. I sat there, sipping my absinthe and trying to maintain a look of tortured intrigue, while he waxed poetic about the depths of his existential despair.

I endured this public spectacle, hoping to uncover a glimmer of authenticity beneath the façade. Perhaps, I thought, there was a genuine soul hidden behind the pretentious prose and the artificially deepened voice. But alas, 'twas all smoke and mirrors, much like his supposed "published works" that, upon further investigation, turned out to be nothing more than a series of self-indulgent blog posts.

🧛‍♂️ The Nosferatu Wannabe

Next, we have the charming chap who took "living the goth life" to a whole new level of absurdity. From his custom-made coffin bed (complete with a built-in sound system playing an endless loop of Bauhaus) to his insistence on referring to me as his "immortal bride," this would-be vampire had clearly blurred the lines between reality and Anne Rice novels.

At first, I found his dedication to the aesthetic rather endearing. After all, who doesn't appreciate a man who knows his way around a velvet-lined cape? But as the night wore on, and he began to speak of his plans for our "eternal union" (which apparently involved a blood-binding ceremony and a honeymoon in Transylvania), I realized that I was dealing with a level of delusion that even I couldn't tolerate. While I admire commitment to a theme, I prefer my partners to have a pulse and a firm grasp on reality.

👻 The Paranormal Paramour

In a misguided attempt to woo me, one suitor planned what he believed to be the ultimate romantic gesture: a private ghost hunting expedition in an abandoned asylum. Armed with EMF meters, night vision cameras, and a misplaced sense of confidence, he led me through the crumbling corridors, promising an evening of thrills and chills.

Instead, what I got was a crash course in pseudoscience and an earful of his rambling theories about the "other side." As we wandered through the dilapidated halls, I found myself longing for the company of the spirits over my living, breathing date. At least the ghosts had the decency to maintain a respectful distance and didn't bore me with tales of their "groundbreaking" EVP recordings.

🔮 The Occult Casanova

But the pièce de résistance of my dating disasters? The gentleman who insisted that summoning demons was the perfect bonding activity for a first date. Yes, you read that correctly. This self-styled "master of the dark arts" thought that nothing says "romance" like drawing a pentagram on his mother's basement floor and chanting in ancient Sumerian.

Little did he know, the only demons I care to evoke are the ones I exorcise through my music. His incantations fell on deaf ears, and I was left wondering if I should call an exorcist or a therapist. Needless to say, our "ritual" ended with me performing a vanishing act of my own, leaving him to clean up the candle wax and contemplate his life choices.

🎭 The Lesson in the Madness

Now, my darlings, you might be wondering what possessed me to share these tales of woe. Believe me, it's not just for the sake of entertaining you (though I do hope you've had a good laugh at my expense). No, I share these stories because they've taught me something invaluable about love, life, and my own twisted journey.

Through these misadventures, I've come to realize that my quest for a soulmate is not unlike my journey as an artist. It requires vulnerability, authenticity, and an unwavering sense of self. I may stumble along the way, I may encounter countless pretenders and posers, but I refuse to settle for anyone who can't appreciate the full complexity of my being.

Just as I pour my heart and soul into my music, I know that I must approach love with the same level of passion and integrity. I will not compromise my truth for the sake of fitting into someone else's idea of what a relationship should be. I am Evelyn Duskfall, the Phantom Queen, the drummer of Transcendant, and I will march to the beat of my own damn drum, even if it means marching alone.

So, to all my fellow creatures of the night out there, I offer this piece of hard-won wisdom: embrace your quirks, your darkness, and your light. Never settle for less than the extraordinary, and never, ever let anyone dull your sparkle. We may be creatures of the shadows, but that doesn't mean we have to accept a love that is anything less than dazzling.

Until next time, my darlings, keep haunting and enchanting. And if you happen to cross paths with a dashing, intelligent, and genuinely gothic soul who appreciates the art of the macabre as much as the art of conversation, do send them my way. I may be a little bruised from my battles in the dating arena, but I'm always ready for another round.

Yours in darkness and light,

Evelyn Duskfall 🖤